As we ring in the new year, it’s customary to set goals and resolutions we want to achieve. But what about setting intentions to let go of practices that are no longer serving us? There is no better time to pack up habits that are keeping you stuck and no longer positively impacting your life.
The habits on this list are sneaky. For many of them, we’ve been groomed to believe they’re productive, even praise worthy behaviors. This year, peel back the layers on these self-sabotaging behaviors. Take a look at what lies beneath them, and give yourself permission to let go of them.
1. Perfectionism
Growing up, I remember being heavily praised for being a perfectionist. I specifically remember a mentor telling me to mention that quality in an interview because it showed that I paid close attention to detail. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I learned the dark truth about true perfectionism.
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.” -Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
As I shed light on this tendency in my life, I found that beneath the perfectly curated wardrobe and home, and mile-long list of shiny accomplishments, was a girl living desperately to prove her worth to herself and the world.
Perfectionism operates from the underlying assumption that no matter how hard we try, or how precisely we construct our house of cards, we’ll still never be good enough to be the kind of person we want to be. It is a hard and lonely gig that robs us of authenticity and wastes vast amounts of energy seeking approval over meaningful results.
This year, imagine the possibilities life would hold if we stopped living in pursuit of “perfect,” and instead focused our attention on what we can do right now with what we have.
Start your year with the intention of discovering your God given talents, and where you can use them in accordance with what feels good and right to you. What difference would it make to your life to make choices that feel authentic to your heart?
This begins with acknowledging that you yourself are worthy, simply for being alive. You were not made on an assembly line. YOU were fearfully and wonderfully made on purpose. Your worth is innate, regardless of your circumstances or accomplishments.
You were made for more. It’s your year to break free from pretenses and awaken to your worth.
2. Dieting
For SO many years of my life, the start of a new year meant the start of a new diet. I would tell myself the same old tired line- this is the year I’m gonna lose the weight. While beating myself up over the holiday eat-and-drink-a-thon, I’d furiously be researching the plan, pill, shake, or program that was going to be the “right” one this time, you know, the “lifestyle change.”
New Year used to be synonymous with “new me.” Only the diet never lasted, and even if it did for a short period of time and I lost weight, I still wasn’t a new me.
Here’s the newsflash I finally realized. I was never a new me, because I never needed to be. Our weight has nothing to do with our worth.
This year, stop spinning your wheels in the pursuit of happiness in a smaller size body, more toned arms, or less cellulite, because you won’t find it there.
Here’s the truth. Are you ready to hear it? You are worthy just as you are today, right now- in the body that’s home to your beating heart.
I am not saying you cannot have goals for your body, if they come from a place of love and intention. But setting goals for your body without first embracing, accepting, and loving yourself HERE, where you are right now, will produce temporary results at best.
Without softening to the idea that you can like love yourself with the extra pounds, untoned arms, and cellulite, there’s a slim chance you’ll truly love yourself if and when you actually do achieve that goal.
Yo-yo dieting is an emotionally taxing, viscous cycle that actually has very little to do with wanting your body to look a different way. It’s really not our fault though. Society has wound our self-worth up so tightly in enticing diet packaging that we’ve fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.
This year, make your emotional and mental health a priority instead. Learn to recognize when your inner critic is speaking (we’re so used to the tapes playing on repeat, it’s like white noise in our head- we often don’t even realize it’s happening) and stop her in her tracks. Learn to speak kindly, with love to yourself. Finding this kind of peace and love for all parts of yourself, will give you a belief in yourself that will make you unstoppable in all areas of your life. It takes dedication, but I believe you’re strong enough to commit. I am living proof that change is possible. If I can do it, anyone can.
3. Multitasking
In my opinion, multitasking is one of the gnarliest wolves disguised in sheep’s clothing. Women in particular are SO praised for being multitaskers. It’s definitely one of the behaviors we’ve been taught to put on our resume, and if you’re a mother, you practically hang your hat on this “skill.”
Perhaps at one point in time, this did serve us well. But in today’s society, where our attention span is shorter than that of a gnat, and we are beckoned by hundreds of stimuli a day, multi-tasking is one of the main culprits of distraction, causing us to not live our lives presently, in the moments that matter. What’s worse, and in my opinion the most dangerous part of this habit, is we are ingraining this in our children.
While we are capable of doing more now than ever, and most of us are very skilled at this, perhaps even viewing it as a talent, there’s an ugly truth about it that most of us don’t want to face. If we are honest with ourselves, we’ll find that there are actually very few things in our lives that we are doing really well.
When we speed everything up, try to get more done in a faster time, and HACK everything, what we’re actually HACK’ing is our life.
Trying to slay a dragon-a-day runs us ragged, then we beat ourselves up if we didn’t accomplish everything. On the flip side, if we do accomplish slaying it, we praise ourselves but also feel resentful and perhaps even seek pity because we ran ourselves ragged by doing it. By shortening our to-do lists, and tackling larger tasks in smaller and shorter, yet more focused sprints, we can approach life in a way that’s more enjoyable. In this way, we can feel both accomplished and still energized at the end of the day.
This year, let’s try to slow things down, do one thing at a time and do it really well. And who knows, maybe even enjoy the process of fully immersing ourselves in routine tasks!
4. Unrealistic Expectations
Would you believe me if I told you that you are responsible for your disappointments, resentment, and other generally negative emotions that loom over your life? If you haven’t clicked off by now and cursed me, hang tight, there’s good news coming I promise.
I know when you first hear something like that, your first reaction might be defensive. You might think that you’ve been dealt a crappy hand or that other people have wronged you, etc.
But here’s the reality. Your thoughts about those circumstances have created expectations of others and yourself that are allowing someone else to sit in the driver’s seat of your life.
Here’s that good news I was telling you about. Our thoughts are our superpower. Using them, we get to decide what we think about a circumstance, which directly impacts our feelings, which directly impacts our reaction, action, or inaction, which directly impacts our results.
We cannot control the circumstances we are dealt. But we can control our perspective about them, and that right there, can change the trajectory of our entire lives.
When we realize that we alone are responsible for the results of our lives, it empowers us to look for new perspectives that better serve us, and allows us to release expectations of ourselves and others.
5. Comparison
We’ve all heard it, “comparison is the thief of joy,” and in the digital age we live in, it seems comparison is stealing more joy than ever.
Social media makes it entirely too easy to put ourselves in constant competition with peers and strangers alike of our physical appearance, material possessions, personal life, romantic relationships, career, etc.
The tricky part of comparison, is often we have no idea it’s happening. It’s an internal tape we’ve played so often, that it sounds like a low hum of white noise to us. It’s the negative part of our ego that tells us we don’t measure up and undermines our accomplishments and achievements.
These imagined shortcomings stand between us and our authentic selves. They prevent us from living presently and engaging in our life in a meaningful way.
When we buy-in to the messages of this internal critic, we never feel we have or are enough.
The first step in stopping this dangerous habit in its tracks, is gaining awareness of when our inner critic is gabbing. From there, we can get introspective and ask ourselves – is this story we’re telling ourselves true or perception? Nine times out of ten, it’s perception. When we can filter the thought from an objective standpoint, then eventually we can begin to rewrite the story to one of self-love and affirmation.
Making a habit of this process will help you live more presently and find an inner confidence you didn’t know was possible!
The process of changing these behaviors takes ongoing daily practice. Make a commitment to yourself that you will stay the course, even when it’s hard and uncomfortable. You are worth the work.
When you can learn to find gratitude and appreciation for who you are here, (in the shoes you stand in today, despite your circumstances), you will discover a profound sense of self-acceptance and love. And with that kind of belief in yourself, you will be unstoppable toward achieving the life of your dreams!
Such an incredible reminder for me. Thank you Susie! Your words always hit me right in the heart ❤️
I’m so glad it spoke to you Renata!