For many people, December brings up a mixed bag of feelings and sentiments. Joy, chaos, excitement, stress, love, and heartache to name a few. I definitely experience a little of all of the above, but I am making a conscious choice to focus on one feeling this year. This feeling will outdo all of the rest. It will heighten the good feels and provide relief for the hard ones. It will overshadow overwhelm, and allow you the greatest gift you could ask for this holiday season- presence. I encourage you to read on, and consciously choose the same.
I learned this from the two greatest teachers I’ve ever had, my two precious children. This holiday season, and into the new year, I vow to be more like them.
I choose to believe.
In January 2019, I chose the word “action” as my intention for the year, with the goal of taking action on the dreams that lived in my head and heart, to make them a reality. Halfway through the year, I sat solo on this northern California beach, celebrating my 38th birthday in solace (unless you count the company of a bottle of champagne and a slice of chocolate cake.) As the damp coastal air gently breezed over me, I thought about the intention I had chosen and whether I had successfully fulfilled it thus far. I reflected on the action steps I had indeed taken toward my goals, but I felt torn and confused about if they were the right actions, and overwhelmed about what actions should come next.
As it always does, the universe delivered a message to me loud and clear in that moment, with precise and perfect timing. Some children were playing on the beach, running along the shore. One of them got too far ahead for the other’s comfort, so she shouted with all of her might “WAAAIIITTT!!!”
Time seemed to freeze for a moment. I was suddenly hyper aware of the soundtrack of waves rolling in the background, and a slight shiver ran down my spine as an incredible sense of peace and calm replaced the feelings of anxiety and urgency I had just been experiencing.
Wait. Just wait.
I wrote the word in the sand, and snapped a picture so not to forget it, then went for a walk. It didn’t take long for my ego to rudely awaken. “Wait? But waiting isn’t action. You don’t have the time or money to wait. Waiting is wasting!” Luckily, something bigger than me was able to quiet my thoughts back to peace in that moment and I explored the idea of wait. It rolled around in my head and slowly started sinking in. I jotted in my journal: Waiting…passive? passionate? both? Can I wait in action? Are they opposite?
What I have come to understand since that day is waiting is in fact both passive and passionate. There is great beauty in it, and there is great pain in it too. It is a daily, sometimes moment by moment practice. It is contemplative work that requires descending inward into ourselves, but more importantly, upward into faith in God and prayer.
I have also begun to accept that action and waiting are not opposite. I was missing the whole point of that one. It’s not about them being different. It’s about letting go of control of my actions and instead, waiting in faith, trust, and belief that I will be guided to them in timing that’s not my own. It’s about understanding that we can let go because ultimately, we have control over very little on this earthly home.
We pride ourselves on our perseverance, and focus on moving through our lives with accuracy and diligence. We have been taught that goals, objectives, and contingency plans will keep us safe. And yet these ideals, set with even the best of intentions, often cause us stress, anxiety, and turmoil because we cannot shake the fear of the unknown and unexpected. We crave next steps and when they do not show themselves, we create them.
Thinking strategically serves us well in many aspects of our lives, but this mindset separates us from the hard reality that we cannot control everything. The only thing we can control in this world is ourselves. We can control our actions, our reactions, the way we show compassion to ourselves and others, etc.
Through my time of waiting this year, a reoccurring theme has revealed itself to me over and over. Let go of control. Believe that the greater plan has our back. Dig inward and find belief in who you were made to be, because you yourself, without your worldly possessions and successes are enough to enact meaningful changes to this world. Love, trust, compassion, and vulnerability are our tools. With them, we can do anything. With this kind of belief, we will not only succeed, but thrive.
This brings me back to the Christmas season. Relinquishing control requires radical belief. The kind of belief that our children have during this beautiful time of year. Children do not orchestrate down to the finest detail how Christmas will play out for them. They soak up the wonderment, intuitively leave room for pleasant surprises and exhilarating adventures, and wait in joyful anticipation and deep gratitude.
My wish for you this Christmas and New Year season, is that you choose to believe. Believe that faith solves all of today’s problems. Believe in waiting, believe you don’t have to have it all figured out, believe in guided action, believe in others, and most importantly, believe in yourself.
Choose to believe, and anything be will possible.
Love & Gratitude,
Susie
This is SO GOOD! So inspired by you Susie!